The old five-point scale has been retired in favor of just rating stuff 1-10, which allows me a much more nuanced final rating. Still don't take it that seriously. Most of these come from my own collection, so the grades skew rather high. Your results may vary if you send me stuff to review.

Each album is given three Essential tracks, my personal favorites, regardless of how weird and inconsequential they are. The Quintessential pick is the one I think best represents the album as a whole, so you can try one song instead of a whole album of songs. Non-Essential picks range from merely disappointing to outright unlistenable.

The Dandy Warhols

[#] Welcome to the Monkey House (2003)

Smart people making stupid music strikes again.

Reviewed January 26, 2026

"Courtney, why do you always have to be the first at doing everything? It is so much more profitable to be the second." David Bowie reportedly said this to front Dandy Taylor-Taylor, and maybe that tracks. A year after Thirteen Tales, everyone in rock started copying the Rolling Stones. Two years after Monkey House, who's rewriting radio playlists but the Killers? It seems as big a detour as Thirteen Tales' country-rock leanings, big synthpop beats, rumbling synthbasses, and falsettos aplenty—that two members of Duran Duran were involved tells you all you need to know about its sound—but the Dandys are never so simple, even when they sound dumb.

More than most Dandys records, Monkey House embraces stupidity. Guess the hooks to the following tracks: "I Am a Scientist". "I Am Over It". "We Used to Be Friends" (trick question, that's only half the hook). "Plan A" always felt jaunty and medieval to me, as Taylor and his gang of imps get way out of their skulls repeating that "all of us sing about it" maybe 200 times. What's it? Not sure. With so much obvious bait on their hooks, it does make the trademark reflective trip-out songs at the end feel emptier, and critics at the time certainly couldn't tell if it was a joke at their expense and flambé'd the fuck out of the album. I think that's unfair. Glowsticks are no less fun just because you gotta throw them out eventually.

Essential:	"Plan A", "I Am Over It", "The Last High"
Quintessential:	"The Dope (Wonderful You)"
Non-Essential:	"Heavenly"
Rating: